but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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