I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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