my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
