He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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