So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
