does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
that may or may not have been my penis.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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