Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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