people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
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