Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
