I wish I could teleport
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
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