her vagine was all disorganized.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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