Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
