Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
