Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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