Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
