I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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