My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
