I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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