I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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