I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
