I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
