You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
