I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
