The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
