just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
