we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
nutella sex= disaster
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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