Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
