I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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