So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
She announced her abortion via fbk
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Randomize
