There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
