tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
