alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
