I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
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