i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
