I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Randomize
