I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
