Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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