your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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