About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
