WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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