We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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