I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
