who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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