Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
