If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
