I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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