Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
