So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
