I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
