I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
