bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
